The Descendants (2011), Film 2/50

(Man, am I sick of looking at this review. Besides containing spoilers and a reference to the actor Daryl "Chill" Mitchell, the following also contains a bunch of nonsense that, try as I might, I couldn't quite work into a cohesive review. But I need to move on. I'm stalling on other posts and frankly, I'm already woefully far behind. So, without further adieu....)

I think I can safely speak for all of us, in the world, when I say that in his short time on this Earth, Lil Bow Wow has taught us many a life lesson about truth, justice, honesty, and what would happen one day if we suddenly woke up with the talents of a professional basketball player. But never has the Once Diminutive One's instruction proved more illuminating than in his 2010 cautionary tale, Lottery Ticket, in which an intrepid youth must guard a winning "lottery ticket" from the evil and mischievous forces of his neighborhood. Succinctly put, for this youth, mo money leads to mo problems (which, as everyone knows, is a lyric Biggie Smalls stole from a then barely two week old Very Lil Bow Wow during a Snoop Dog recording session back in 1987; a betrayal that would later come to be known as the Franz Ferdinand assassination tipping point in the ongoing East-West rapper feud). From the outside, Lil Lottery Winning Bow Wow had it all. But in actuality, the pup still had a great deal of struggles to overcome. (Or at least I assume he did. I really only saw the trailer.)

Enter George Clooney. Wealthy. Successful. Family Man. Literal descendant of royalty. Wearer of comfortable shoes. Landowner. Oh, landowner, you say? That's interesting. Where is this land he owns? North Dakota? Maybe a nice little cottage up in Maine? Hawaii. He owns land in Hawaii. And not some rinky dink condo either. Basically the most gorgeous stretch of sandy beach line and lush rainforest you can imagine. Sounds pretty good, no? Sounds like this boat shoes wearing bastard has really got it made! Problem is, if Clooney's life is a winning lottery ticket, his no-good speedboat-riding, adultery-having, coma-acquiring wife is the felonious drug dealer standing on the corner anxiously polishing his brass knuckles, waiting for Clooney to venture outside. Such is the paradox that surrounds The Descendants. Clooney's got paradise in the palm of his hand, but it can't save him from the hard times that he's been set up to endure.

The reason I bring all this up is, watching the first 15 minutes of the movie I couldn't help but think that George Clooney, the actor, was trying to tell us something. You can almost hear the underlying frustration in his voice during the following bit of narration:

My friends think that just because we live in Hawaii, we live in paradise. We're all just out here sipping Mai Tai's, shaking our hips and catching waves. Are they insane? Do they think we're immune to life? How can they possibly think our families are less screwed up? Our heartaches, less painful?

Sure, Clooney is saying, I'm rich and famous. Yes, I alternate between shooting movies in Las Vegas and Hawaii. Am I not still human? If I stand out on the beach in the sun all morning waiting for the crew to set up a complicated shot, do I not still burn?

But wait, there's more! Delving further into the fictional Clooney psychosis fun bag, if Up in the Air finds everybody's favorite hunky ER alum portraying the consummate bachelor as he realizes the pitfalls of not being connected to anything or anyone, then The Descendants is good ol' Georgie telling everyone to just settle down because the opposite scenario is no picnic either. Here's a guy who's steeped in family heritage and tradition. He's got kids, a wife, step-parents, fifty Hawaiian cousins and a family palm tree that stretches back to the days of explorers in funny hats. And yet, he's still miserable. See, Clooney is saying, life's a bummer either way. You might as well just let me bachelor it up already and get off my back.

Speaking of Clooney's character's family heritage, one thing I thought the movie did a nice job exploring was the idea of legacies--how we treat that which has been given to us, and what we leave for others when we go. After all, when you get right down to it we're all just sequels in our own family's ongoing movie franchise (Personally I like to imagine myself as White Men Can't Jump XVII: King and the Duck, The Early Years). In Clooney's case, we get to see him both in terms of past and future generations--future in the example he sets for his daughters (especially the older one, who knows what's going on with all the stalking and skulking around and the hey hey) and the past in the way he decides to honor the land of his forefathers.

What's interesting and refreshing about the character is that he's not always portrayed as perfect. He's a decent guy--the amount of abuse he endures from his father-in-law goes beyond admirable--but at the same time he's no saint. His decision not to sell his family's land was at best a conflict of interest and at worst a cowardly decision to hide behind the most altruistic option because it satisfied his own selfish end. Namely, to not let that spineless degenerate who had an affair with his wife make one dime off his family's land.

(By the way, I got a little jolt of excitement when I saw Matthew Lillard's name in the opening credits. He's one of those actors who never quite broke through but I always find myself rooting for (other actors in this category include Peter Facinelli, Daryl "Chill" Mitchell, Colin Hanks, Donal Logue and Alex Desert. Joseph Gordon-Levitt used to be here circa Brick, but then he hit it big with Christopher Nolan; atta boy, Joey!). But Lillard always seems miscast to me. If he just got some roles as a normal, good guy with a little bit of sarcasm thrown in I think he'd do fine. But instead he's always a slimeball or evil or just plain annoying. It's sorta like back when Vince Vaughn seemed dead set on only playing serious parts (the infamous Clay Pigeons and Psycho phase) and you wondered what the hell he was thinking. Where's the guy from Swingers? I liked that guy. I'd like to see more of him.)

One last note: In general I tend to steer clear of movies where a main character cheats on their significant other. It feels lazy and cliched and in most cases ends up with me disliking the cheater so much that it takes me out of the rest of the film. They're just not my cup of tea. The Descendants, however, proved to be an exception. Maybe it was the fact that all Clooney's wife did the whole time was lay in a coma then die, but I gotta say, I didn't mind her so much. (Too harsh? Probably too harsh. Apologies to the fictional philanderer.)

Honestly though it was more fascinating to see all the other characters projecting their feelings onto said coma wife. Clooney, her dad, the kids, even Judy Greer: they all make her into what they need her to be in order to find some semblance of closure. Heck, even the audience can get in on the fun. Sitting there in the theater, we can imagine Coma Sue in any way we want--infinitely apologetic, remorseful, bitter and resentful, a Mighty Morphin Power Ranger--without any interference from the character herself. There's almost a generosity in her inaction. Her ability to just lie there and act as a sounding board for everyone else (albeit involuntarily) ultimately even makes her sort of endearing in the end. Which is a lot like the rest of the film actually. A great deal of the movie is defined by what characters don't do--Clooney doesn't expose Lillard to his wife, he doesn't sell the land, he doesn't tell his father-in-law about his wife's affair. And while the movie too, ends up being sort of endearing in the end, it's hard to shake the fact that it also feels like there's something missing. Things are never fully resolved, or even brought out into the open. But I suppose that's part of family legacies too. And besides, Clooney's just so damn charming that in the end none of that other crap really matters anyway.

Rating: 7/10 Monocles

 

Pretzel Product Most Likely To Be Enjoyed By Clooney and the Fam: Ben and Jerry's Chubby Hubby. It's the perfect snack to enjoy after a long day in the Hawaiian sun. Just plop right down on the couch, flip on some March of the Penguins and serve up a delicious pretzel-filled ice cream treat.